Saturday, 12 October 2013

On not being No.1, and a glimpse of deity

I am still floating in space, having seen Gravity last night. I am content at last to know that God looks like George Clooney, and that I will never refer to Sandra Bullock as Sandra B****cks again after her literally stellar performance. I thought until now that Solaris (the 1972 Soviet original) was the best space movie ever made, but I think I'm drifting weightlessly towards this new film. The only thing that's holding me back is the divine ending to Solaris: What do you think?

Meanwhile back on Earth, I was startled to receive an email from an e-book retailer a few months ago that listed things I might like to read. My book was at No.1! I checked my sales over the next few days and didn't notice any dramatic rise in my trajectory to literary stardom, and forgot about it. Some weeks later I got a similar email, checked again, found no noticeable improvement, and forgot about it again.

Then a writing friend received a similar email. She wrote to me in excitement and I checked my sales - again no effect. And yesterday she got the same email, I checked, and no result. I had no option but to conclude that this must be a wicked artifice of the company's marketing engine. Some Heath Robinsonish gormogon has figured out that I actually wrote my own book and that my friend actually bought it and we have been linked in some diabolical concrete bunker next to a hydro electric dam in Alaska that cools the data centres that churn our writing, our souls and our relationships into trite junk emails.

Or perhaps someone up there is thinking about me?

© Stuart Campbell
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